I Will Follow

Let The Waters Rise lyrics

Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?

sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You'll never out of reach

God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You

Love Always Protects

We are beginning to venture out into life again. It is not easy, but we didn't expect it to be. Some people have lots of questions and some people are silent. It is so awkward to walk into a room where people normally talk to you and have no one talk to you. Although we completely understand and are not pointing any fingers, it does make us feel more alone in all of this. We love the hugs. Friends have hugged me and not said a thing because I'm sure they don't know what to say (we don't either), but a hug speaks a thousand words and helps us take the next steps down the hall.

We have decided as a family to not discuss the details surrounding Johanna's condition. First of all, we are not experts or doctors and we only know what we saw during our week over there. Second, the thought of anyone saying or thinking anything negative about her absolutely breaks our heart. None of this is her fault and she did nothing wrong. We still deeply love her and our biggest desire is to protect her. We beg for your understanding in all of this and for your grace when you hear one of us say that we aren't talking about some things. Also, if you know any of the details concerning Johanna, please keep them to yourself and pray for her. Johanna is a precious, amazing little girl that we will miss for the rest of our lives.

I cannot say thank you enough for your continued love and support and most of all for the prayers on our behalf.


My favorite song right now.
JEREMY CAMP - THERE WILL BE A DAY

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

There will be a day with no more tears,
no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place,
will be no more,
we'll see Jesus face to face

But until that day, we'll hold on to you always.

You're Not Shaken

One of many songs that have encouraged us over the last few days.

Pressing On

I just wanted to post a quick note for all of you that may be checking the blog for updates. I know that you are suffering and hurting with us and know that we extend our deepest sympathy your way. We love each of you, for the part you play in our life and we don't take any of it for granted.

I know that many of you have questions. Many, many questions, as do we. We don't have answers for you, but there is comfort in knowing Him who does. He can handle any and all questions that you have. He can handle your doubts about our decision and He alone can heal any brokenness this has caused you.

We have walked some very dark days. We lost our concept of time and the days blurred together. But, even in the darkness, we have felt His presence with us. In the midst of tears and sadness as we pack up some things today, He is our hope. His amazing love for us and His amazing grace for these moments we never expected have sustained us.

A friend sent these verses to us and they just define our journey right now.

"Come, let us return to the LORD;
for he has torn us, that he may heal us;
he has struck us down,
and he will bind us up.
Let us know;
let us press on to know the LORD;
his going out is sure as the dawn;
he will come to us as the showers,
as the spring rains that water the earth."
Hosea 6:1&3

Oh how we thirst for that spring rain! We press on....knowing it is coming.

Saying Goodbye

Thank each one of you for all of your prayers. God has surrounded us with His presence each day.

We have chosen to not proceed with Johanna’s adoption. Things have come up during the time there that have made it impossible for us to proceed.

Now is not the right time to share the details publicly. Until we can share more with you, please understand how painful this decision is for all of us. We appreciate your support and encouragement. We are taking a break from "life" for a while. We are reading every email and comment, but please understand if we don't respond.

We still covet your prayers. The next 24 hours will be very hard as will the day, months, and years that follow.

Please pray for Johanna.

Giving Thanks in All Circumstances

So, by now you have figured out that things are hard in China right now. We all have heavy hearts for the sadness that Johanna is bearing. I have literally prayed without ceasing for most of the last few days. Today, I feel led to shout my praise, in the midst of the hard stuff, like we are told to do in 1 Thessalonians 5:18.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you."

I AM THANKFUL....

*for the health of Jack, Andrew and Bethany! Jack is feeling great now and Andrew and Bethany have remained well so far!

*for the medicine that Andrew has over there for Johanna. It has already helped her bronchitis!

*for the laughter of my 3 children at home with me.

*that nothing surprises God. Nothing.

*for the smile on my sweet 12 year old boy's face when I see him on the webcam and for his amazing compassion for his hurting sister.

*for Bethany. Even though this may be the hardest thing she has ever done, God has put her there "for such a time as this" and He will equip her for this good work.

*for my amazing husband. He is a gift from God and a wonderful father.

*for the encouragement from my 6 and 9 year old who keep telling me that everything is going to be alright because God meant for Johanna to be in our family. They have faith like a child.

*for the power of prayer.

*for friends who say "I'll be right there" when I ask them to come pray with me.

*that God's word is truer than anything I feel.

*for my phone ringing constantly because I know it is someone else calling to encourage us.

*for you, that you are reading this blog and praying right along with us! Community is a wonderful thing.

I'll close with these lyrics.

Ginny Owens - If You Want Me To

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason
why You brought me here
But just because You love me
the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials
bring me closer to You
Then I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way
I would have chosen
When You lead me through
a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to.

They Have Johanna!

Gotcha Day was pretty tough! Johanna is very, very sad about leaving her orphanage, the only home she has ever known for 8 years. She is also sick with bronchitis :( She doesn't know what to think about Andrew and Jack, but is loving Bethany! This Mommy's heart is so very thankful that Bethany is there.

Here is what Andrew had to say about the day...

So, when the time came for us to meet Johanna, we went upstairs into a meeting room at the hotel. Our guide said that they had not told Johanna that they would get there first, and she apparently had cried and gotten very upset when she got to the meeting room, and we weren’t there yet! That just broke my heart. So, she was already pretty upset when we got there.

The time in the meeting room was a blur. She was very, very scared and shy. But, she got close to Bethany and didn’t leave her side. I worked on paperwork, as Bethany and Jack made a few connections with her. She was very scared of me, but she really latched onto Bethany.

We only spent a little time in the meeting room and then went back to our hotel room. When we got back to the room, she cried and asked to go back to the orphanage. We calmed her down, but our guide, Isabel, suggested that we take a little walk. We walked around the hotel which helped a lot. When we got back, we sat down and colored with her, played bubbles, and with the slinky.

We had received an invitation to dinner this evening, along with the orphanage director. I was very concerned with her going, and I almost called and cancelled, but apparently, someone had told Johanna that she would see them at the dinner that night, so we went on. I think that prayers were really working, because she was fine sitting away from the orphanage director and nanny, and she didn’t want to go back with them at the end of dinner.

Johanna also has a cold or bronchitis. She has been coughing a lot, so the medicine we brought over will hopefully start helping.

Thanks again for all of your prayers. Please continue to pray for Johanna!